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February 23rd, 2003

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wow. tonight was so awesome!!! church blessed me so much tonite. i hope i can write down everything i'm feeling. lol

i've been struggling spiritually for the past couple months and it's no one's fault but my own. i'd like to think i can put the blame on other people but that would be immature and completely false. the truth is i'm the one who decided to do things other than pray or read the bible. and i wonder why i've been so miserable?!?! i seriously have not felt further from God than i have over the past few months and it honestly scared me. i have never wanted to be a complacent christian but i found myself becoming just that.

the church i've been attending on sunday night's has been the most incredible blessing. i have learned so much by going there. i leave every week feeling like i had an encounter with the living God! you can't get that just anywhere. and it's been so hard because i've been struggling with my home church. i just don't enjoy it anymore. i don't get anything out of the message or worship for that matter. and it's hard because it's the same church that built such a strong foundation in me... and i don't want to pull away, but i see it happening.

but that's another story. i digress. :)

i think what i've been missing in my life is VISION!!! it says somewhere in the bible (i dont know the reference)- people perish for lack of vision! i don't want that happening to me.

it's so hard sometimes because there are so many things that God has placed on my heart to do and it's frustrating sometimes to not be able to do them. i know God will bring them about in His time and the waiting can be hard.

i had a good day. kate, lauren and i had some good conversation. a lot got out that needed to and i think we all felt better.

there's so much more i could write but i can't... i have some stuff i need to do.

Current Music:
new day- brenton brown
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ok... so i don't usually post music lyrics but as i'm sitting here listening to this song... it's just so awesome. if you don't want to read it then don't. i promise i won't be offended. ;) but perhaps it's just what you need to read...

what love is this i see
you gave your life for me
shed blood to set me free
thank you for your blood
thank you for your blood

how great this sacrifice
your death to me means life
from darkness into light
thank you for your blood
thank you for your blood

now i am truly free
your love amazes me
i see your hands your feet
the price you paid for me
king of calvary

what love is this- written by james hellings.

it's on vineyard's holy cd. here

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