took a little while for me to fall asleep last nite. and then after i fell asleep... i woke up again. i just couldn't stop thinking. i tried so hard, but sometimes it's hard to force your mind to move away from whatever you're worrying yourself over. all i could do was pray. and even then it was weak.
it snowed last nite. i wanted to stay in my bed and ignore the rest of the world, but of course that couldn't happen. i had to follow my mom to the car shop cause something's wrong with the van. she commented on how quiet i was this morning. she also said how pretty i looked today. God bless moms. they certainly try. there were so many times already this morning where i almost just broke down in tears. it took all i had not to. so far i've been successful. i'm not one for holding my feelings inside, but i'm trying. i don't expect people to understand how i feel. i think only i will know that.
and i know that God has a purpose in all of this. as hard as it is to admit that... i know it's true. i guess i'm just hurting right now and soon enough everything will be back to the way it used to be. and i'll keep going cause that's what life's about. we move on. we let go.
part of me isn't looking forward to going away this weekend. in a way i want to stay at home and wallow in self-pity... but that's lame and i know it. so i'll go and hopefully have fun.
and i guess that's all for now. i'm not trying to force guilt on anyone. these things happen i guess and i don't know if it's anyone's "fault." so yeah.
i swear everyone that walks into our store asks if my dog is for sale. no he's freaking not for sale. he's my dog!