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October 13th, 2001

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why do i have to be so sensitive? the littlest things can set me off. i don't even know why i'm on this stupid computer. i was asleep and i woke up and for some reason got on here and i_don't_know...

i can like hardly breathe. i don't know why. i woke up all hot and my head hurts. i wish i wouldn't of gotten on here. lame. now i don't know if i'll be able to get back to sleep.

i wish i was good enough.

i don't think i'll ever be. i don't even know what i'm talking about.


Current Mood:
sad sad
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why do i care about people so much that when they hurt i hurt?

i must not be normal. i don't think anyone will ever understand me. i don't know if they want to...

crying sucks... i need to just go to bed.


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ok lyryn you rock. i had a lot of fun with you tonite and even though i'm all weird now i just keep thinking about the fun stuff we talked about. i really had a good time just talking to you. if anyone understands me- it's you and for that i thank you.
Current Mood:
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wow. i had the most horrible nite of sleep- ever. i was wide awake between 1:30 and 3:30. i could not, for the life of me, fall asleep. i tried everything. but my body would just not go to sleep. i had all these thoughts racing through my head and i couldn't just let go of anything... nooooo i had to let my brain nitpick everything i was thinking... analyzing... wondering. fooey! that was dumb of me.

at 9 this morning my mom comes in and tells me dad wants my help at work today. so here i am. i guess being somewhere that will keep me busy is best... i dunno. it's hard for me to just be alone with my thoughts sometimes. sometimes it's ok and other times it can drive you crazy. does anybody know what i'm talking about? i hate how the devil tries to just come in and totally distort a situation to make you feel like a lesser person. and at times i admit i give in to that. i'm trying to do better. i just fall so short sometimes...

i can't remember the last time i cried myself to sleep- or in last night's case- to no sleep. i know it's good to let your emotions out at times and i suppose it's better when you're alone... or maybe it's not. i don't know. i just feel weird today. i don't even really want to go to this concert tonite. but i will because it was nice of the people to get us tickets and even backstage passes.

well i guess i'm gonna try and get some work done here. i hope everybody else is doing ok and has a nice weekend.

Current Mood:
hopeful hopeful
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i worked. got my nails done. drove to new jersey with kate, stevie, and luke to see ffh and point of grace. we got there late cause the directions we got were wrong! so we were there like 10 mins before it started and we had backstage passes but the v.i.p. reception was already over. we went back anyway and got to meet mike and brian from ffh. they were still there and happy to meet us and chat. it was nice. they were so sweet! they know our worship pastor and hang out with him when he's in nashville and stuff. so it was cool.

i'm not a big point of grace fan but they put on a nice show. ffh did really good. i liked that part. we left right after ffh was done cause it was an hour and a half drive. we had to go through philly first, then camden... it was a long drive. i drove and i'm glad we left when we did cause i was tired by the time we got home.

now we're watching spy kids! this movie is so cool. i like it. very fun.

well church tomorrow. after that i'm not sure.

i'm glad my day got better. i hate feeling down. :)

Current Mood:
sleepy sleepy
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