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May 2nd, 2001

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i don't know what's wrong with me... i think too much, i worry too much, then i hurt the people that i love. ugh i hate being confused. sometimes i just don't know if i'm living my life for me or for God. i want it to be for God and that would require me laying down my will, which i'm trying to do but then stuff just pops up on you and it's like, 'where do i go now?' .... sometimes i wish God would just speak to me in an audible voice. i don't doubt it could happen but that's too simple for God. lol. i just don't know how to differentiate between my timing and God's timing and whatnot. i have no idea. i'm just so afraid of screwing up and doing something wrong and having people look down on me for it. i'm so afraid of being rejected and frowned upon... and i know i shouldn't, but that's life. i'm not depressed or anything- don't get me wrong. i just think way too much... lol.

i've got a lot of work to do today. i think i'm on the computer way too much. i'm gonna try and cut back how much time i spend on here... we'll see how that goes.

kristen- i hope you have a safe trip back home. i'll be praying for you. :)
meg- i think i figured out how to work that gift certificate thing so if you're still confused, let me know.
lyryn- i hope you're coming to group tonite cause i wanna talk to you...

ok i guess that's all i wanted to say for now. i hope everybody has a great day. don't mind me, i'm fine. :) later~
Current Mood:
Current Music:
eve6- here's to the night (i really like this song)
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i'm really really hungry... 20 mins till lunch... good

i should really start eating breakfast. it'll probably help get me going in the mornings, too.

Current Mood:
hungry hungry
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yay!!! my mom activated my voicemail on my cell phone and also finally got our text messaging hooked up! hehe that makes me soooo happy. now me and lyryn and katie can send each other messages whenever we want! the voicemail will be activated in 15 mins and it'll take 12 hours for the text messaging to be enabled- but it's all good. yay! this makes me really really happy. it's the simple things in life that make my day... lol

ok that is all

Current Mood:
giddy giddy
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oh shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot!!!! grrrrr!!!! i just found out that one of the biggest fire expos we go to for our business is right during the time i'm in mexico on the missions trip! my dad is extremely pissed. now i think he wants me to back out of the missions trip because he also has as another fire expo the week before and my mom will be in the office by herself and now she's mad... ugh.. i hate all these decisions. i want to go on the missions trip but i also feel like i can't ditch my family and the business. oh my gosh i wanna go cry now. this is horrible. why does crap like this always happen to me?

whatever decision i make i'm gonna have somebody mad at me. if i don't go on the missions trip i know my youth pastor will be furious and if i do go my dad'll be angry at me. oh gosh i hate this. this is exactly what i was talking about before. i hate disappointing people!!! this sucks big time. why me? .......... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i hate this... i hate having people upset at me. now i don't know what to do?!?
Current Mood:
aggravated aggravated
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alright i'm doing a little better now- i think. i'm pretty sure i know what God wants me to do and that's going on the missions trip. so just pray everything works out. no i'm not a psycho i've just had a weird day. i've been like up and down and up and down.. crazy, yeah. lol

ok that's all for now. i'm tired. i have bible study tonite. i want to sleep- i can't. oh well. so is life.


Current Mood:
tired tired
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well i had lots of fun tonite. we had bible study and dan taught on 'holiness.' he did a really good job. and afterwards me and dez went out on my trampoline. we must've been on there for like 45 mins. we were doing all kinds of crazy stuff and i was trying to show her how to do front flips. she couldn't get it though. lol. it was pretty funny. we had fun. then we played basketball for a little while. then everybody left...

i was hot and dirty and stuff so i decided to take a nice cold bath. lol. it felt good, too.

i'm gonna post something my friend bethany sent me. it's pretty funny....
in order for this to funny- you must read this out loud!!!

Learn Chinese in 5 minutes! (read them out loud)

1) That's not right - Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive?- Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP- Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man - Dum Gai
5) Small Horse - Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach? - Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table - Ai Bang Mai Ni
8) I think you need a face lift - Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here - Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet - Wai Yu Mun Ching?
11) This is a tow away zone - No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week - Wai Yu Kum Nao?
13) Staying out of sight - Lei Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile - Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive - Yu Stin Ki Pu

i hope y'all enjoyed that. lol. goodnite.
Current Mood:
amused amused
Current Music:
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my mom goes to read her plane tickets today (her and my dad are leaving for california on friday) and the ticket says that their flight is for tomorrow morning instead of friday! lol. she flipped. they tried to fix it, but they couldn't. so now my parents have to leave tomorrow morning! which means i have to get up at 5 tomorrow morning and drive them to the airport and then come home and work an 8 hour day, then go straight to a conference i'm attending this weekend. busy day, don't ya think? it's gonna be out of control. so needless to say everybody's running around like mad people trying to get ready for their trips. it's pretty funny.

ok that's it. laters

Current Mood:
bouncy bouncy
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