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Susan


April 20th, 2001

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today is going to be a busy busy day. i'm working until about 3:30 and then i've gotta go pick up katie, grab my stuff for dance and head to dance practice. we're dancing tonite at the banquet so we're gonna have about an hour of practice before.

then we get to go the banquet and eat some deeeelicious food and then dance! *woohoo* i can't wait. i'm so excited. it is gonna be soooo much fun. :)

ok, well i've got some errands to run right now and i need to grab some lunch.

ciao

Current Mood:
happy happy
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... sometimes i just feel so misunderstood. and that's no one's fault but my own. i need to learn how to express my feelings without confusing the heck out of people. i don't even know how to explain what my views are on dating or not dating or whatever... i think i confuse myself sometimes. i'm not anti-dating... not in the least bit. i just don't want to go thru a whole bunch of relationships and be left hurt. but that's just me. who knows? i could meet the perfect guy tomorrow and start dating him and if that happend, yay... if not, oh well. i'm just basically confused and i'm not 100% sure of what i agree with or don't agree with. i don't mean to bash those of you that don't agree with me. everybody needs to do what they feel is right for them. but i feel like as soon as i open my mouth and tell someone how i feel then automatically they look at me like i'm a nun or something. yes i want to fall in love and get married and live happily ever-after but until that happens i want to use this time to be doing what God wants me to be doing. my life isn't mine to just go doing whatever i want to do. i'm only here by the grace of God. therefore i want to do what i can for Him while i'm not distracted. is there anything wrong with that? of course not, but for some reason whenever i share that with someone i feel like they automatically look down on me or something. and i don't mean one person specifically... it happens to me all the time. and it just hurts. i give up... i hate feeling like i'm alone... grrr... i mean, ultimately i'm not alone, i have God and i realize that. i dunno... i'm at a loss for words right now. i'm sorry if i hurt anybody's feelings. that certainly wasn't my intentions.

i gotta go finish my work.
Current Mood:
lonely lonely
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i am beat...

tonight was so AWESOME!!! hmm... where should i start? well we had rehearsal before the banquet and that went so-so. everybody was so excited. on the way out, mark broke the glass on the church door and he cut himself pretty bad. we were late as it is, so we rushed to clean him up and bandage him. he was ok.

then we headed off and dez, kasey and roz rode in my car. we had a good time. we just shared our feelings about relationships and marriage and stuff... (topic of the day? lol) but it was fun to just be with "the girls."

so we got to the banquet and we grubbed. the food was soooo good. then we found out that we were dancing right after we ate. uh-oh... yeah. so we changed into our 'gear' and prayed and pumped ourselves up. then it was showtime! we went up there and we gave it our all. i danced my heart out, let me tell you. some people made tiny mistakes but nobody noticed. i had a blast. it was so much fun. i just get up there and i don't think about anything else but what i'm doing right then. i love it!

after we were finished they gave us a standing ovation. it felt so good. praise God. all the glory needs to go to Him. He's the one that gave us the ability to dance and i'm so thankful for that.

afterwardss, lyryn got really upset and started crying. she said she messed up and i don't think anybody noticed. i guess she was just upset with herself. i don't know why, but she got over it and eventually came back with the rest of us...

grrrr my computer keeps kicking me off!!!! stupid aol! it's really making me mad.
>:-[

so i left right before it was over. i took my little brother stephen with me. it was nice to get to spend some time with him. he's all concerned about this little girl he likes at school and i was trying to give him some wise sisterly advice. so then i asked him what his fav worship song is. so we sang it and then we sang my fav and so on. it was so cool just to sing with him. he loves to sing too and he's really good considering he's only 11. i'm so proud of him. it was just a nice bonding time to have with him and it was really special. :)

ok i'm gonna stop writing now cause i'm running out of things to say. :) oh wait, i almost forgot- we get to do the dance tomorrow at a women's conference in the area! yay!!! i can't wait!!!!
Current Mood:
excited excited
Current Music:
heart of worship
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don't you hate that feeling of thinking that someone's mad at you... or they don't want to talk to you.... or they're avoiding you? i hate that so much. i always stick my foot in my mouth and i get so mad at myself later.

i don't want to go to bed, but the people i wanna talk to aren't on. grrr... oh well. there's nothing i can do i guess.

Current Mood:
drained drained
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